• Andrea Armstrong

The Number One Time-Waster That Is Blocking The Love You Crave

You’ve been looking for someone to love, and for someone who will love you, too. Why aren’t things coming together for you? You could be making one simple oversight…

Hi Claire, I don’t know where to begin… I am hoping for some self worth from someone who knows nothing about me. I’m a single mother of two wonderful children, divorced from my husband for 5 years now.

I met a guy two years after my divorce, and it lasted a year, but ended when neither of us wanted to commit.

Now, 2 years after THAT, I’m still single but messing around with “friends with benefits” and “f-buddies” and I just can’t do this any more. I get attached, and want more from these guys (one of whom is married), and it’s killing my self-esteem.

I’ve tried online dating and end up just chatting to guys for weeks/months like we’re good friends and nothing develops from it. I just want to find someone to love me for who I am.” — Kaye

Beautiful, fierce Kaye. I have TWO bits of advice for you, and I’ll tackle the easy one first.

First of all, you said, “I just want to find someone to love me for who I am.”

That’s a big, wonderful life goal!

But it doesn’t come easily. It takes time, energy, effort.

The single biggest time and energy-killer that’s blocking the relationship of your dreams:

The FWB, f-buddies, married men, and any other relationships which clearly are NOT going to end in your goal being met are all just wasting your time and energy.

You absolutely have to STOP investing in the relationships that are NOT going anywhere, and keep working at the ones which have potential.

It sounded like you’ve started a few of those online, but you have to do it with more intention.

If a relationship is stagnant for a long period of time (you said “weeks/months” so I’m not sure if you’re being patient enough or not), move on to someone else.

If it’s slowly growing into something better (and that takes spending time together), that’s what you’re looking for.

Also, I FOUND someone to love you…

And you’re gonna smack your forehead when you hear WHO it is.

It’s YOU, beautiful soul.

I realize that’s not exactly what you wanted to hear, but to achieve the things you dream of, you MUST value yourself highly. You have to learn to love yourself the way you are, with OR without a man in your life.

And if there’s something in you that you don’t like, you have to make a plan and work to improve it. You want to grow into the woman you dream of becoming, and that isn’t always simple or effortless.

This is so easy to say, much harder to do.

Building your self-love/self-esteem means things like…

Stopping your inner negative self-talkNot comparing yourself to othersAppreciating and celebrating (daily!) the good things about yourselfLiving in a way that aligns with what you valueBeing kind and generous toward others, and toward yourselfAccepting that you’ll make mistakes, and not “beating yourself up” over themSpending time with positive, not toxic, peopleTaking small steps every day toward your life goals/dreams

You are worth this!

And I really hope you’ll go after it, wild heart.

With love and service xx


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